Rob MacKillop
Edinburgh Correspondent
I passed by this scene yesterday, and immediately I was thrown back on my terror of getting my hair cut. Here are a few barber-related scenes from my life:
1. My father was an alcoholic. One day I was given money by my mother to get a haircut. My father took me there, and also took my money. He then whispered to me, "When the barber is finished, just run like crazy!", and then he went to the pub with my money. I ran like crazy.
2. I was taken to another barber, but this one had a side-gig, as the young ones say today, of repairing umbrellas in the shop. He used to get a kick out of terrorising children by firing up a blow-torch, then approaching them to burn their hair off. He got me bad. I started screaming...and again ran from the shop.
3. As an adult, I found myself in Istanbul...as you do. It was very hot, and I had longish hair at the time. Not being conversant in Turkish, I signalled to the barber to take off "this much", while showing my finger and thumb about half an inch apart. He then put a faded 1970s magazine on my lap, which was filled with Turkish women posing in swimming costumes. I was distracted by this strange gesture, and failed to notice he had powered-up an electric razor, with which he proceeded to cut a furrow through my hair, from back to front. He thought I had gestured, "Leave this much"! There was no point in stopping there, so I ended up with a suede cut.
4. My wife took me to a ladies' hairdresser - a world away from a male barber. She insisted I chose a certain lady to cut my hair. The woman at the reception was the one I was to choose. She at first tried to give me someone else, so I said, "No, I want YOU!". Even I noticed that for some bizarre reason, it sounded like a come on! She was horrified, and so was I. Nothing was further from my mind. She motioned me to the chair, and proceeded to silently butcher my hair. I never went back, and my wife is still mystified to this day as to how badly she cut my hair.
Now, if any of the above sounds untrue, believe me, it is all 100% true. I can hardly believe it myself, but in some ways it fits in with the rest of my life. To this day, I would rather sit in a dentist's chair than a barber's.
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. I'm with Steve regarding haircuts. A quick whizz over with clippers down to a couple of milimeters and tidy with scissors. Last for weeks 'n' doesn't cost a penny (well, almost nothing). My front and back hair lines are getting ever closer to each other, too
