Be interested to see the rest ... I quite like the cool effect, is it done with white balance? You might want to try doing it with a tone (split tone in LR) on the highlights ... I'm not sure it would work any better but it might by worth a crack
The pose in the second doesn't bother me as much but I will bow to Aleks' knowledge on this one as this is his field, I think he is right about the hair over the eye.
The first I think works, but I think there is maybe room for a bit more space around her, just slightly tight on the crop!
Good stuff though and your making money out of it which is definitely a good sign!