Cold Callers

[Vic Shaw]

How do you deal with cold callers from India?

Myself I tend to say the 1st thing that comes into my head, I just had one who asked what energy supplier I used. I told him I was self sufficient in energy as I have 25 gerbils inside some small wheels running round generating enough energy for my needs. In the end he put the phone down on me.

I've also played the part of the head Giraffe at London Zoo instead of Mr Shaw. He asked if anyone else was available to talk to I told him only the Head Lion, at that point he put the phone down.

It's kinda fun to get chatting to them, I used to have one at my old place of work, who called himself Frank he used to ring up every couple of days for a chat and possibly a job in the UK. So far this week I've managed to get 1 phone number from some girl in Delhi to ring the next time I'm there. I even managed to get some ones address. One call I had to tell her to hang up because I thought that after 45mins on the phone she might get in trouble.

It's a much better way of dealing with them rather then getting stressed, give it a try.

 

[Graeme Harvey]

If I'm busy and a call comes up as "international" on the caller ID thingy-wingy, I just pick up and say in an irritated voice "Whadda YOU want?" as if it's someone I know and I don't want to talk to them. Currently, this has a 100% success rate, as no-one has ever said anything and the phone has gone down immediately.

If they tell me that I've had a problem with Windows and they're phoning me about it, I ask them which version of Windows is it. This can be fun, because the phone will usually go down, but if they answer "the version you have on your PC," I then tell them that I don't use Windows on my computer. I then get

"Oh do you have a Mac?" to which I reply "No, I've got a PC."

This usually flummoxes all but the most persistent. However, when I told one of them after further probing that I use the Linux OS, I was asked "Oh, are you a programmer or at a University?" Hehehehehehe. So that then gets rid of them.

I was once told by a cold-caller that he was from "Dial-a-phone" and he wanted to sell me phone calls at a cheap rate. So I said "What? Stylophone? Fantastic, my auntie had one of those in the 1970s. It was brilliant."

"No," he said, "DIAL-A-PHONE."

"No, you're wrong there," I said. It was definitely Stylophone. It was black and had a record that came with it with Rolf Harris on it and you could play tunes from a little book they gave you. It was fantastic."

He hung up.

Then came the lady who was doing a survey about mobile phones. I don't have a mobile, so I thought it might not take long...

"Hello, Mr. Harvey. We're doing a survey about mobile phones. It should only take about ten minutes."

"OK! Fire away."

"Who is your current mobile provider."

"Sorry, I don't have a mobile."

"Oh. I see. Well, I can't do the survey, then. Can I just take a few details so that we don't disturb you with any other surveys you can't do."

"Fine."

"Right, do you have broadband internet access?"

"Yes."

"And do you have a phone on a landline?"

Now, as she'd called me on a landline number and had established that I hadn't got a mobile phone, what else was I expected to say? So I said, "No, sorry, I'm not on the phone at all," and hung up.

I had a phonecall from British Gas a couple of weeks ago. I'd booked a boiler/fire service and they'd e-mailed me with confirmation twice, and they'd also given me an automated call to confirm the details. So when this guy rang me and said "Hello, Mr. Harvey? I'm from British Gas. I'm phoning about your boiler service on Tuesday," I seriously wondered what was going on. He then asked me to confirm the first line of my address to make sure that I was who I said I was.

"No, sorry," I said. "I can't do that."

"Why not?"

"Well, you ring me out of the blue, I don't know you from Adam, and then you start asking me for all sorts of personal information. How do I know who you are?"

"Well Mr. Harvey, I can assure you I'm from British Gas."

"OK, tell me how you can prove it. I'm not going to give out personal details to all and sundry. You'll have to do much better than that."

"If you can't confirm your address, I'll have to terminate the call."

"Well that's fine by me. I've already had the appointment confirmed three times, so I can't see that anything will be gained from carrying this on."

The phone went down.

I quite enjoy these, especially when cold callers ask you to confirm your address. I always try the "Can you prove who you are?" tack and it works really well. The next one I'm going to try is when a cold-caller rings and asks if it's Mr. Harvey, I'm going to ask who they are, and then if they can tell me character 3 and 5 of their security password. Could be a laugh.

 

[Vic Shaw]

hehe it's great fun, I'm glad I'm not the only one who does this.

I really want to have a paper bag by the phone, so the next time one rings I can say I'm busy with my hands in the back of a TV fixing it, then half way through the call burst the paper bag near the phone and then make all sorts of groaning noises, that should go down well

 

[Graeme Harvey]

hehe it's great fun, I'm glad I'm not the only one who does this.

Me too. I seriously thought I was the only one.

 

[Chris Dodkin]

I told the last cold caller to **ck off - made me feel wonderful, and they didn't call back LMAO!

 

[Hamish Gill]

I get one asking for "mr hamdani" ... It got to the stage I was getting the call from the same number 2-3 times a week sometimes twice a day ... I got so angry I did that thing where you say **** or ****ing between every word ... They phoned back once after then and I got so angry by the time I had finished I was physically shaking ... But that was after it happening for a few months!
Normally, because there are 2 businesses (and the phone number for an old business) registered here we get a lot of marketing people phoning to get us "on the first page of google" now, I know quite a bit about seo... I'm no expert, but I get by, I often no more about the it than the people phoning, they often are also phoning "Hamish gill photography" and don't realise that we are a web development company... That's when it gets fun!
Them: "hi I'm calling from google"
Me: "no your not"
Them: "yes sir I am"
Me: "no, your calling from a registered affiliate of google trying to sell me adwords"
Them: "erm... Yeah, erm we can get you on the first page of google"
Me: for a select set of key word phrases ... I know all that, I don't deal with people who lie to me in the first sentence of a phone call"
Them: "it wasn't a lie sir"
Me: "how can you expect me to trust anything you say when our relationship started on such dodgy ground"

You can imagine how much fun that can get ...

Someone rang the shop the other day and asked to speak to "mr sight2sound" ... My response was simply "are you a moron" ... His reaponse was "can I just speak to mr sight2sound" I politely explained to him that that he was definatly a moron ... The bugger hung up on me ... The cheek of it!

 

[Paul Lange]

Any company that relies upon deceiving the customer from the go in order to get business can't be trusted full stop. This says a lot about their general attitude towards customers. Has anyone bought a TV from Sainsburys? A few days later you get a letter from a company that Sainsbury's allows them to use their logo so it seems like you are dealing with Sainsbruy's but its not them. They try to sell you additional cover.

 

[Hamish Gill]

that my matey, is the modern world for you.... although i think it might have been how things are since humans first appeared... just now it comes on fancy printed paper or via a call centre

 

[Hamish Gill]

or spam email

 

[Hamish Gill]

or dickheads in the street with clip boards

 

[Graeme Harvey]

or councils beginning "consultations"

 

[Vic Shaw]

Or fancy polished tv adverts trying to sell you mobile phones....

 

[Hamish Gill]

Yeah I know what you mean...

I really want an iPad ... Doh!

 

[Graeme Harvey]

RESIST THE ADVERTISERS

 

[Graeme Harvey]

The next one I'm going to try is when a cold-caller rings and asks if it's Mr. Harvey, I'm going to ask who they are, and then if they can tell me character 3 and 5 of their security password. Could be a laugh.

Got one tonight and it was brilliant! He just hadn't got a clue what to do when I asked him for character 3 and character 5 of his password. Every time he kept trying to get round it, I kept insisting that I wouldn't be able to verify his identity without them. In the end, he made one up, and I told him that it wasn't what I'd got written down here, so I'd have to terminate the call.

Classic.

 

[Vic Shaw]

hehe I might try this one myself

 

[Laurie Parker]

I don't get many cold callers no more since putting the numbers on that register thing, if any do get through just usually ask them to remove the information from their database.

Did have fun one time with BT though, after god knows how many minutes on the phone trying to sort out a problem with the line and constantly being put on hold with their pathetic music that makes people want to rip heads off!! I arranged for them to call me back which they did after about two minutes into the phonecall, I asked them could they hold a second as someone was at the door, they replied yes no problem, I positioned the hand piece on my table and clicked on a mp3 and played it to them for at least 3 minutes, little bit of their own medicine well except for the fact they don't play Slipknot at full volume ( god that band can screech when they want too lolol)

 

[Pete Askew]

I think the number idea is great and can`t wait to try it. My favourite was a friend who told British Gas that he thought that sending electricty down the gas pipes didn`t sound very safe and was going to stick to the wires supplied by Southern Electric!

 

[Laurie Parker]

I think the number idea is great and can`t wait to try it. My favourite was a friend who told British Gas that he thought that sending electricty down the gas pipes didn`t sound very safe and was going to stick to the wires supplied by Southern Electric!

lolol